I did this a long long time ago, back when I had a lot more certainty that I could receive an autism diagnosis. Now, times have changed, and I'm not so certain it wasn't brain damage. I still present like a mildly Autistic individual, but empathy and lack of social control has bound me to a movement that is still very personal to me, whether or not I'm diagnosable. In short, right now, I just don't know if I qualify as Autistic. But my doctor did say it. Sometimes, I'm just too social to be certain.
Looking back, I've always been a little different. That oversensitive kid, crying over... what? We didn't know. Well, I didn't know. My parents most likely thought I was a normal kid who didn't know any other way to say what I wanted.. I told my aunt I was afraid of the Corps. I didn't realize that if a bunch of Pentecostal Party goers were having a good time in the Corps' building, we probably had permission. "Oh, I knew that," I said, perhaps realizing I'd had a basis for the understanding that imparted me. I guess I was blessed....
When we got to my preteen years, I had some distractive issues. I was definite I had ADD. "I'm Absentminded," I told my parents. "Like the Absentminded Professor." That finally ended when another episode happened in front of Church's one day. My Mom said she'd spank me if I said that again. I decided to distract myself in more creative ways.
My best friends, and the ADD that wasn't diagnosed until January, helped me to survive living with with NT mentally disruptive Parents. Best friends were not around all the time, but they counted for a bit more regularity concentration than did my parents. Friends, I could "memorize." Friends, I could anticipate. One friend at a time, would not drive me up the wall. These were the steady ones. The ones' whose expectations I could live up to, so that their reactions to me wouldn't change.
We moved. I loved the place I was from, so I decided to count on being back within a year. That was foolish of me.I came back two years later. The routine was broken. The place that I had set my hopes on, my old church, had been reduced by illness and more leaving. It was great, but it was not enough. I had not enough power to deal with it. I needed a routine...
Shortly before then, my mom needed to go in the hospital. She had been in there forty days. I was no longer capable of being homeschooled. As a result, I was tested. I tested out as follows. My math comprehension was at a grade level of 9.8. The application thereof was at grade point 11.2. And my English comprehension was through the roof at the Freshman College level. After that Christmas, and the subsequent graduation, it was easy to make my own routine...
Then, back September before last, my head got on a swift-way-mentally-traumatizing-track to being messed up. I lost a lot of things. My communication. My anticipatory skills. My understanding. I *have been loathing* surprises, since long before then unless I'm anticipating them. So my doc said I have a mild case of Asperger's. Some other kid (Art Shrival) from my history has something related. I came out Aspie in support of the kid. I do hope we can repair our relationship! I'm going to fight for the ones I care about! And anyhow, I'm trying to get my brain into the very best shape that it can possibly be in.
You know what kind of an attitude I have been having? At first I was reactionary. I don't want to be bound to this one or two things for all time..
I don't mind at all having a label; It's just that I. Don't. Really. Have. Enough! I've always sort of fixated on be a uniquely different type of superpower, who fought for different types that were really better and different than the norm, yet without a heard voice. I didn't want to be able to fit under only two stereotypes. Then, my Academic Seminar teacher retaught me quite a bit, I felt a good bit more confident, and then I found out about a guy I used to "hound" back in Dallas. That protective, troublesome instinct rose in me again: Pro-tect! Now, why was I obsessed with that?
So, I've come out. I have a mild case of Asperger's, and I am not going to let neurotypical negativity absolutely rule me. I honestly wonder, though. After I relearn most of what I've lost, what is my identity going to be? Nah. I predict, that even if I do regain, I'll find my way back to the more important things. :)
When we got to my preteen years, I had some distractive issues. I was definite I had ADD. "I'm Absentminded," I told my parents. "Like the Absentminded Professor." That finally ended when another episode happened in front of Church's one day. My Mom said she'd spank me if I said that again. I decided to distract myself in more creative ways.
My best friends, and the ADD that wasn't diagnosed until January, helped me to survive living with with NT mentally disruptive Parents. Best friends were not around all the time, but they counted for a bit more regularity concentration than did my parents. Friends, I could "memorize." Friends, I could anticipate. One friend at a time, would not drive me up the wall. These were the steady ones. The ones' whose expectations I could live up to, so that their reactions to me wouldn't change.
We moved. I loved the place I was from, so I decided to count on being back within a year. That was foolish of me.I came back two years later. The routine was broken. The place that I had set my hopes on, my old church, had been reduced by illness and more leaving. It was great, but it was not enough. I had not enough power to deal with it. I needed a routine...
Shortly before then, my mom needed to go in the hospital. She had been in there forty days. I was no longer capable of being homeschooled. As a result, I was tested. I tested out as follows. My math comprehension was at a grade level of 9.8. The application thereof was at grade point 11.2. And my English comprehension was through the roof at the Freshman College level. After that Christmas, and the subsequent graduation, it was easy to make my own routine...
Then, back September before last, my head got on a swift-way-mentally-traumatizing-track to being messed up. I lost a lot of things. My communication. My anticipatory skills. My understanding. I *have been loathing* surprises, since long before then unless I'm anticipating them. So my doc said I have a mild case of Asperger's. Some other kid (Art Shrival) from my history has something related. I came out Aspie in support of the kid. I do hope we can repair our relationship! I'm going to fight for the ones I care about! And anyhow, I'm trying to get my brain into the very best shape that it can possibly be in.
You know what kind of an attitude I have been having? At first I was reactionary. I don't want to be bound to this one or two things for all time..
I don't mind at all having a label; It's just that I. Don't. Really. Have. Enough! I've always sort of fixated on be a uniquely different type of superpower, who fought for different types that were really better and different than the norm, yet without a heard voice. I didn't want to be able to fit under only two stereotypes. Then, my Academic Seminar teacher retaught me quite a bit, I felt a good bit more confident, and then I found out about a guy I used to "hound" back in Dallas. That protective, troublesome instinct rose in me again: Pro-tect! Now, why was I obsessed with that?
So, I've come out. I have a mild case of Asperger's, and I am not going to let neurotypical negativity absolutely rule me. I honestly wonder, though. After I relearn most of what I've lost, what is my identity going to be? Nah. I predict, that even if I do regain, I'll find my way back to the more important things. :)
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