Very Old Essay

I did this a long long time ago, back when I had a lot more certainty that I could receive an autism diagnosis. Now, times have changed, and I'm not so certain it wasn't brain damage. I still present like a mildly Autistic individual, but empathy and lack of social control has bound me to a movement that is still very personal to me, whether or not I'm diagnosable. In short, right now, I just don't know if I qualify as Autistic. But my doctor did say it. Sometimes, I'm just too social to be certain.

Looking back, I've always been a little different. That oversensitive kid, crying over... what? We didn't know. Well, I didn't know. My parents most likely thought I was a normal kid who didn't know any other way to say what I wanted.. I told my aunt I was afraid of the Corps. I didn't realize that if a bunch of Pentecostal Party goers were having a good time in the Corps' building, we probably had permission. "Oh, I knew that," I said, perhaps realizing I'd had a basis for the understanding that imparted me. I guess I was blessed....

When we got to my preteen years, I had some distractive issues. I was definite I had ADD. "I'm Absentminded," I told my parents. "Like the Absentminded Professor." That finally ended when another episode happened in front of Church's one day. My Mom said she'd spank me if I said that again. I decided to distract myself in more creative ways.

My best friends, and the ADD that wasn't diagnosed until January, helped me to survive living with with NT mentally disruptive Parents. Best friends were not around all the time, but they counted for a bit more regularity concentration than did my parents. Friends, I could "memorize." Friends, I could anticipate. One friend at a time, would not drive me up the wall. These were the steady ones. The ones' whose expectations I could live up to, so that their reactions to me wouldn't change.

We moved. I loved the place I was from, so I decided to count on being back within a year. That was foolish of me.I came back two years later. The routine was broken. The place that I had set my hopes on, my old church, had been reduced by illness and more leaving. It was great, but it was not enough. I had not enough power to deal with it. I needed a routine...

Shortly before then, my mom needed to go in the hospital. She had been in there forty days. I was no longer capable of being homeschooled. As a result, I was tested. I tested out as follows. My math comprehension was at a grade level of 9.8. The application thereof was at grade point 11.2. And my English comprehension was through the roof at the Freshman College level. After that Christmas, and the subsequent graduation, it was easy to make my own routine...

Then, back September before last, my head got on a swift-way-mentally-traumatizing-track to being messed up. I lost a lot of things. My communication. My anticipatory skills. My understanding. I *have been loathing* surprises, since long before then unless I'm anticipating them. So my doc said I have a mild case of Asperger's. Some other kid (Art Shrival) from my history has something related. I came out Aspie in support of the kid. I do hope we can repair our relationship! I'm going to fight for the ones I care about! And anyhow, I'm trying to get my brain into the very best shape that it can possibly be in.

You know what kind of an attitude I have been having? At first I was reactionary. I don't want to be bound to this one or two things for all time..

I don't mind at all having a label; It's just that I. Don't. Really. Have. Enough! I've always sort of fixated on be a uniquely different type of superpower, who fought for different types that were really better and different than the norm, yet without a heard voice. I didn't want to be able to fit under only two stereotypes. Then, my Academic Seminar teacher retaught me quite a bit, I felt a good bit more confident, and then I found out about a guy I used to "hound" back in Dallas. That protective, troublesome instinct rose in me again: Pro-tect! Now, why was I obsessed with that?

So, I've come out. I have a mild case of Asperger's, and I am not going to let neurotypical negativity absolutely rule me. I honestly wonder, though. After I relearn most of what I've lost, what is my identity going to be? Nah. I predict, that even if I do regain, I'll find my way back to the more important things. :)

survey thingummy

Who knows more about you than anyone else? Sisters Penny and Julie.

Have you ever had to spend the night at a hospital? yes

Are you currently trying to get over someone? Yup....

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? NO!

Have you ever bought clothing online? I wish!

Have you ever worn flipflops in the snow? Nope. I might wear sandals if my parents let me, though.

Do you wear Roxy, Billabong, or Volcom? I hardly even know what those are.

How old were you when you met your first love? I was sitting on my Daddy's knee, in all likelihood.

Are you big on partying? not at all.

Are you taller than the last person you kissed? no

Do you currently have feelings for anybody? yeah, I'm not a Vulcan.

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? Yes...

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? I don't text.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? Caffeine free diet coke

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you? NATCH!

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Definitely.

Was your last kiss a mistake? hopefully not.

How do you feel about the last person you kissed? Complicated

Is there anyone that text messages you and you smile instantly? Email.

The last person you kissed on the lips said that they really liked you, would you believe them? I've been lip kissed by ... some female canines.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? Yeah, if they're Vulcan. Um, without Eros? Obviously.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away? Yeah, definitely my all.

Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? yup.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months? yes

Will you ever hug the last person you hugged again? Yeah, hopefully.

Honestly, how is your heart lately? it's wellish enough. Stable.

Will you be in a relationship next month? I really don't know.

Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents? They ARE my parents.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? possibly...

Is there someone you’d like to hang out with and just talk with? And understand? Laura. I'd love to.

Have you ever wanted someone so bad, and then they completely stopped talking to you? definitely. but not so much in the sense of Eros.

Does anyone have feelings for you right now? not that i know of.. I really don't think so.

Is there anyone your trying to get over? you better believe it..

Would you care if you saw the person you like, kissing someone else? A lot.

Do you follow your head or your heart? Mostly my heart, but my head is powerful when it comes into play.

Are you happy? Somewhat...

Do you believe in the saying "what goes around comes around? Definitely.

This summer, did you have a "thing" with someone? not at all. I got rid of him before summer, I think.

Do you believe that love lasts forever? Indeed. Do you believe in Heaven?

Are you an official couple with the last person who kissed you? Nevaaaaa!

Are you happier now or three months ago? right now, thank Heaven!

Are you going to get hurt by a girl/guy any time soon? yes.

What color are your eyes? greenish hazel

Is there anything in your room that reminds you of past memories? my best friend's card

When's the last time you cried yourself to sleep? Long, long ago....

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? playing

Has the last person you kissed ever cried to you? nope.

Whose hoodie or jacket did you wear last that wasn't yours? My dad's.

How many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? too many to count...

Becoming Civilized: the Old, Old Stories

Suzaku Williams

English 205 TR 12:30

September 27, 2010

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the earth. If you’re an ancient Iraqi fore-parent, it may have been multiple divinities. Anyhow, somewhere along the line, we pop out. Then, we live happily ever after with variant mileage, serving the deity or deities of choice, right? Apparently, this isn’t so. There are alternate modes to civilization, both of which I have discovered to be decidedly feminine.

In the Epic of Gilgamesh, Enkidu is tamed by four things which are associated with civilization: sex, food, alcohol and clothing. The Bible has God, or Adonai, giving Adam and Eve clothing before kicking them out of the house for eating the wrong thing. Clothes are associated with fashion which is generally seen as a feminine like. The kitchen, food and sup related stuff is also decidedly feminine. Hasn’t your mom ever told you to eat your dinner like a civilized person, or made supper less bed a punishment? Well, now you know why! Eating food in a civilized manner has been a core part of civilization since, well, Adam and Eve!

There is one last point I’d like to make. In both cases, civilization is dependant on immorality, at least, immorality from the Judeo-Christian standpoint. Enkidu has sex with Shamhat, whose daylights he winds up cursing out. Adam and Eve disobey Adonai, their parent figure, and eat the poisonous fruit that gives them carnal knowledge. Unfortunately, immorality, and the beginning thereof, is associated with womanhood as well as civilization. Doubtlessly, this is due to Eve’s role in the Bible. Thankfully, this attitude of blaming women has gone out with increased civilization. We are also notably responsible for the existence of the male aspect of humanity as well as civilization. I hope this substantiates the female link to civilization in both stories.

Concerning Queen Mab and my Teacher's Apparent Opinions

My Am Lit teacher is an Atheist. He believes and teaches some stuff I don't necessarily like. I'm going to attempt to refute what he's said and might say.

Today in class, we discussed a a Shelley poem called, "Queen Mab." In the notes of said poem, Shelley writes about God being just as loathsome as worshipful because He created evil as well as good. I'm aware that I did not phrase it exactly, but that's basically what my teacher said he said.

Okay: Now, I'm gonna tell y'all a secret. I've faced temptation related damage. God created my brain the way it is. God allowed me to love my friends in a certain way. God allowed me to be tortured by the devil with them. Do I think God is the evil and messed up one? No!

After this begun, I really didn't like myself at all. I did some things that helped mess up my short term memory, focus, and inhibitions. It would seem that if anyone had reason to hate God, it would be yours truly. I mean, God really messed my life up, didn't He?

Nope. Nada. You get the picture! Let's fast forward. I still have some cognitive issues, but God has granted me a speedy recovery! I didn't think I'd EVER get over it, or at least, not quickly! Oh, when one sinks down as low as they think they can in real life limbo, they think there's nowhere to go but up! The product of that mindset is who I am, to an extent! I think that anything is possible through God! My change has been multi directional! I have gained much, much more than I've lost! My joy (and thus my worship) has gained from it!

God knows that without the bad, including the truly sickening and messed up, we would not appreciate the good as much. We would be bored to death! This is why I love and worship God! As it is, so let it be!

What is Love

What is love?

Love is WORK.

Love means remaining loyal no matter the cost.

Love is the gift of energy, which is understanding.

Love is the willingness to fight for a person, to the point of death.

Love means understanding. That means, no assuming something negative about the friend or relationship, no matter WHAT it looks like, and always be willing to forgive. Look for ways to see if YOU'VE been in a similar situation. ALWAYS ask if you'd do the same thing.

Love is reciprocation.

Yes, the best forms of love have that little "click and knowing" you've all mentioned mefore me.

I Heard The Bells--Steven Curtis Chapman

Christmas with the Cranky Captain

I don't own Star Trek TNG; it is owned by Paramount.

So, the Gang was all at the End of Year- Christmassy type party in Ten Forward; Guinan, the Picards, the Crushers, Geordi, Data, Mr. Worf, Dr. Selar, and when I said everybody, I meant it. Well, Ro wasn't there, she shows up a season later.

Well, everybody's being social, happy people, well, except for Mr. Worf, who is being slightly less social, but just as happy. Cathal was hanging off Jay, who is still a cute kid despite her Borg implants. Hugh was following Jay and Cathal around, and being nearly as cute as Jay. They were all hanging out with Ensign Persy.

The tapping of a glass caught everyone's attention, eventually, and Cathal had a miniature flap out from auditory issues. Her father spoke.

"We all would like to thank every one you for coming to our Christmas day celebration. It has been a trying year, and if anyone deserves a time of relaxation, we do. However, I see we have food and gifts, respectively, so tuck in, and then we will open our presents."

The meal was excellent. Cathal was having a fried turkey wing with a side of hasperat. The spicy Bajoran dish scalded her tongue in a state of delightful bliss. One, two tears slipped from her widely opened eyes! This was delicious!

"Sure you don't want some of my hasperat? It's awesome," Cathal said to Jay.

"No thanks. I'd probably wind up using up all my iced raktajino on even a little bit."

"May I try some of your hasperat, please," Hugh requested.

"Sure!"

"I do not know why everyone complains of the spice; it is not so bad," Hugh coolly remarked.

"Wow, he didn't even cry once!"

"I do not understand this phenomenon of crying. Is it an adaptive behaviour?"

"Yup," Cathal said. "People use it to adjust themselves to a negative reality."

After the food had been removed, it was time to open gifts. Captain Picard got a kitten from Mr. Data, a type of Bat'leth from Mr. Worf, and a copy of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's full Sherlock Holmes works from Dr. Crusher, among other things. He received many declarations of support; if he needed to talk, they'd be there for him. However, the most surprising of gifts came from his own family.

After the official gift giving was over, Jay was still hanging out with Cathal. Hugh wasn't far behind, and Geordi was trailing all of them. Our favourite Captain was feeling jumpy with all the people under and above age fifteen, and decided to break the silence.

"Hugh," he started to ask. "Why do you always hang out with Cathal, but angle your attention towards me when you think I'm not looking?"

Hugh looked away. Cathal hugged him.

"He's always afraid of your rejection, Papa. He knows that you have the power over parts of his quality of life here."

They had stopped in the hallway, now.

"I sense something else, underneath it."

Hugh was actually calm, having adapted to the situation once he figured out what Cathal was up to.

"He's curious; he's always curious, especially about people with hidden emotional depth. He seeks an emotional tie with you, but understands you probably wouldn't want this."

It was true. His' emotions HAD deepened because of his experience with the Borg earlier that year.. but in the deepening, he had been sorely wounded. Could he do, or permit to have done, what would tie them both? His' own child could, and had, but he wasn't so sure of himself.

"I will leave, now, if you wish it, Captain," said Hugh, in his' highly formal, slightly stilted way of speaking.

"No. Cathal, can you do a bridging of the minds technique on us?"

"Yes, actually," the half Vulcan child said, pleased that her manipulations had paid off. She knew that both her Papa and the boy she rather liked would feel pain, but she also knew that through her own earlier life, they would gain emotional strength.

They took the plunge.

Amazingly, it ended well. The three group hugged, and Cathal frowningly held her lower face, pointer finger on her central brow ridge. She managed a weak grin.

"Glad to see you've developed that understanding; now I've a bad headache."

She and Jay went ahead into her's and the Captain's quarters', where they both fell asleep.

"I guess I shall leave you to your family, Captain," Hugh said, smilingly as Geordi finally decided to catch up.

"Actually," Captain Picard said smilingly, in the direction of the two he had come to love as his own, "You're welcome any time. My family seems to grow by the month!"

Have u ever been on a motorcycle?

I WISH!

Ask me anything, even anonymously

If yer parents were having another baby would u want it to be a boy or a girl?

If they were adopting another, I think I'd like a teenaged girl.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Have you ever cried for no reason?

That's generally why I cry. Onions. That is to say, I often enough feel sad enough to cry, but it typically takes physiological effects to make me cry. If you don't get "physiological," take the "iolog" out of it.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

What’s the worst dare you’ve ever given someone?

I dunno....

Ask me anything, even anonymously

What r sum of ur favorite TV shows right now?

Star Trek TNG, Voyager, TOS, Iron Chef America, The Next Iron Chef... AWESOME!!!

Ask me anything, even anonymously

What was your favorite birthday?

I really don't remember. I've got Hippocampus issues.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Are u scared of the dentist?

Nope! That's my Onii-chan! **If Kayla doesn't mind.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

"If u were an animal and were captured to be put in a Zoo, would u try to break out?"

Definitely.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Would u rather get flowers or chocolate from a boy?

A moonlit picnic. Understanding... Understanding's better than chocolate. I love to be loved.

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Who was your BIGGEST crush evuuur?

Ever? Sherlock Holmes? Naaah. Pretty close, though. I lost my innocence to him.... Um, it'd have to be my best friend. Xe (a pronoun that applies to both girls and boys) changed my life. I was never, ever, ever, ever, ever, not if the Sun turned Midnight blue, and the earth turned on it's head, and the Norse deities were actually real, supposed to develop a crush like that. It would have immensely hurt xe to find out, at the foudational level. As in, if xe found out, xe would have been asking, "Why did I have to be this way? Why'd I have to be a turn on!" that immense. I love xe very much. So, I'm not. going. to. hurt. her. Because of my love for her, which is a stronger trait than orientation, I have decided to not live the obvious lifestyle. After all, one crush was just as real as another...

Ask me anything, even anonymously

Aspie Quiz...

Your Aspie score: 180 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 26 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Autism, of course!

What mental disorder do you have?

Autism/antisocial "Asperger syndrome or Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported" Sorry, I had to put them both together although they differ...So, you are very shy and lack skills in communicating, also you have a subject you're very good at(but not so good at others) and you're probably very clumsy..also, your speech might be "abnormal"

Fun quizzes, surveys & blog quizzes by

Declaration of Capacity AKA Happy Belated Autism Speak Out Day

I had intended to do something like this piece of writing, but I didn't know about yesterday. If I had, I may have posted this yesterday.


You see, the reason I'm parodying the obvious document is we read another parody of it in American Lit, and I realised that such a thing would fit in well with the ideals of neurodiversity. Here goes nothing!


When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one group of people to be recognized as distinct but equal in comparison to others in a legal context, it has become customary to list grievances and possible restitutions, ala the Declaration of Independence.


Many times, said Declaration has been parodied. The points of the original and the parodies are this: Oppressed people (and all others) have a GOD given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and joy of whatever form it takes. We have the right as individuals to protest injustice and make the system anew by any form of communication we deem necessary. This brings us into the, "You can't not communicate territory," which means our capacity is widened. We can communicate on any wavelength, provided that the attempted receptacle has clear capacities. However, what if "we the people" are considered to have fuzzy reception and sending capacity? It would seem that we need to develop a clearer system of communication then. I shall try to be clear yet open enough to communicate for the "other" in this case, a group deemed by those in power to be less capable of communication.


They have refused to permit us legal benefits most wholesome and necessary for the Autistic good. We are not allowed the standard of education of Neurotypical children because some fear us, and would prefer us locked away rather than taught. These teachers need reprimanding, yes, but educators should be trained to not fear brain differences in the class room, especially in the field of special ed!


They have not seen us for who we are because of their own training. They would like us to try to fit in, and when it's a choice between losing brain cells due to stress and not fitting in, they'd rather us choose the former, because they don't realise that's what fitting in entails for us!


They have not allowed us to develop our own system of nonverbal communication to the fullness, in part because they believe we cannot, and repetitions of communicational aversives to this effect have rendered our capacity to think in detail in this area to be to some extent null.


They do not look beyond the medical model of disease and indeed seek to eliminate our neurotype from future occurances, in effect, destroying us and our own, just as the numbers of those of Down Syndrome have not benefited from the prenatal test for their kind.


They look at our being bullied as evidence of our social failings, and this falsely gives them reason to seek a cure.


They look at their own torments of us from the perspective of science, saying that it is necessary to train us.


They have looked at us as being soulless, as being burdens, incapable of understanding the toils we place on them.


They have spoken of us within hearing as though we felt no pain.


They have referred to us as just being pure little angels, waiting to go back to Heaven, but we do grow up. 
Though some of us love this Heaven with all our entities, others do not.


They have thought of us as being non fearing and hurting, when in reality, we are tortured by their sensory and social machinations.


We therefore submit that we are different and equal to you, and just as capable of understanding, empathy, love, ensouledness, connectivity to the Divine, and indeed communication itself. We may be set apart from you, but one day, we will rise above, to an equal place of love and honour. We are your equals, and we would prove this if you let us.


We would like to have our teachers properly taught, by one or more of our own kind, how to teach us better.


We would like social acceptance without the need to avoid stimming away the stress pressures and thus losing brain cells.

Some of us would like treatment and perhaps a cure for our ASD, others would not want this, or would want less of this. We want to be given our individual choices, including the capacity to unmake them if need be.


Some of us would like encouragement for us to be communicative as our brains dictate, as opposed to normal society. We would all like you to stop speaking of us in disparaging and discouraging ways, even when you don't think we're  present. Love us, don't discourage us.


Some would like if the unborn had a chance to dictate his or her wishes. 


We would like bullies to be punished for us, as well as for Neurotypical children.


We would like it if non-aversive methods were used to eliminate our pain.


We would like to know the things we are not told, that keep us from empowering ourselves, so that we can change the problem.


We would like it if Alison Tepper Singer shut up and paid more attention to Jodie's empathy we were empathised with, therefore necessitating that others understand we feel pain.


We would like others to understand that we grow up, and that we are all very different.


We would like ways around the pain, such as sensory blocking equipment for the hypersensitive, as well as empathy. We are all very different from what people think.